Hate

hmm...life

so, my last post was in November 2011. le sigh.
was thinking to start writing blog again. without a proper place to express myself is bad for health, like for real.
Went to see the doctor this morning because i had not been feeling really well this two weeks. dizzy all the time, hungry most of the time. but no headache, no stomach pain, no vomit, no fainting. The doctor cannot really figure out what happened, so it might be just me being paranoid over things in life.

It's like a norm for people to ask "How's life?", "How are you?" when we bump into each other or a way to start a conversation. This is the worst question ever. How's my life seriously? Nothing major not-okay things happened, but it will take me quite some time to recall the happy moments of life. #badmemory

Writing up to this point, i realise i was kind of pessimistic. No more spark that ignite my life. Not much thing that interest me, deep inside. Everything had become something i had to do, instead of something i wanted to do. Because what i wanted to do, me also no idea. Maybe i was seriously hit by the reality. Stress over financial situation. Not yet graduating at the age of 24, stress. Do not even know if i will be graduating, stress. Not getting a job yet, stress. Not knowing where to settle myself after university, stress. No shopping, stress.

Everything that i have had today, doesn't belongs to me. No, i didn't pay for anything. If the person who is paying for them are taking them back, congrats, I AM DOOMED!! Can i survive? I think i will die.

Conclusion, i pretty much hate myself. Like the myself, now. As of this current stage.

Just feel like typing, so here’s

i think when things become smoother, i was the ranty old self again. no!!i am not going to rant much here unless KTM pay consultant fee to me!!! lap sap KTM who makes my bad day bad-er. OTK please don’t take leave ok, take care of the public transport lar kikshou. I understand where the traffic jam in KL come from, when people cant take train, they take taxi, when they earn enough money to buy car, they buy car, no matter big car or small car!!it’s you guys who create the traffic jam!!

-----

i was on FB just now and saw some friends update. i dunno, it just reminds me of some of their unhappy relationships.

Who are there to guarantee anything in a relationship?? U know when you study hard, you can expect some better result. You know if you are driving fast you might get a fine. But what can you expect in relationships? Dunno.

I had some talks with some friends about all this boys girls thing. All of us are so unsure with each other. But that so true because we are changing all the time, we are changing, the partner is changing. We change the way we think, the perspective we see things, that’s why you cant always be the same person that is so predictable every time. Honestly, that was tiring. you guys agree with me right? You change, and you have too keep up to people’s changes, then you change to fit into it, then he change to fit into you, it’s just an no-ending loop. what’s this??

No, we willingly step into the game. You volunteered. So you have to play it. Play it or leave it. period.

3 years

3 years ago, i wrote this graduation song.

不管有多少风雨 挫折还是难题
我们要学会坚持到底
鼓起勇气 绝不会轻易放弃

 

3 years later at this stage, i realized that there’s not necessary to not give up everything. Not that everything that happen along the way was meant for suit you. We not only have to learn how to stay strong at certain moment, we also need to learn when and where to give up things and move on.

Nike

there's no need to look for happiness and confidence.

they come when you just do it.

Two Road

Which to choose?
Should i stick to the old option?

Gentleman

i read on newspaper today about gentleman. It says that most man doesn't want to be gentleman in front of any girl, they will just act as a gentleman in front of the girl he like. It remind me of an incident i wrote on another blog last year. imma share it here, with some modification.

we always talk about "ladies first", "gentlemen" to boys. i don't know why. some boys around me (more specifically, boys from Malaysia) just aren't gentlemen. I am not talking about you carrying all my stuffs and paying all my bills.

Things that we, girls will ask for are as simple as holding doors for us when you walk in front, let us go on bus/MTR first. But some boys i know are not used to all this little gesture.

Here is an incident that i would like to tell you, and i m sure girls will agree with me.
Last last week, me n LF had dinner with some friends out side campus and we went back quite late at night. 

That afternoon, i went shopping for the party we are going to organize later in the week. So, i am carrying two big bags of food for the party.We went back to hostel after dinner with a Malaysian guy friend, J. I was totally fine with carrying two bags by myself, but len foong was kind enough to help me with one. 

J was walking in front of us and we saw him open the fire door and walk out the door. The two of us were expecting him to at least hold the door for us since we don't have an empty hand to open the door. But this guy just let the door close in front of us and we have to open it by pushing with out arms.

Len foong was very curious why he's not holding doors for us. so she asked why is he not being a gentleman and hold door for us.

The answer we get was indeed shocking.
" Because i don't see a reason to be gentleman to the two of you."

Len foong and me go " What???!!!!" at the same time.
What does he meant by no reason to be gentleman to us??
Because the two of us look too tough??
Because the two of us too fat??
Do girls who look tough and fat are not worth to be treated nicely???wtf

No, it's because we are not his girlfriend or the girl he likes.

Why are guys like this one?? Not your girlfriend cannot be gentleman to them la.
I tell you what? Being gentleman is like gaining reputation for yourself. We talk about boys just like boys talk about girls. We do talk about who is the gentleman and who is the chauvinist pig. If you are being labeled as the "not gentleman", then sorry, you won't get to court girls.

Hoh, just can't understand boys.

Being gentleman doesn't mean you need to pay bills, just show a little courtesy like holding doors, not only to girls but also to boys who is coming behind you. It not only shows how gentleman you are, it also reflect how a person you are. Don't think you can make fool of girls by only showing respect to the one you like. NO, SHE WILL NEVER LIKE YOU BACK!!!

Today's News

1) A letter was sent by officers from MACC to the media revealing the truth of Teoh Beng Hock's death.
http://mt.m2day.org/2008/content/view/25886/84/
No one knows how true is this truth besides the people who wrote it. But us people are glad that someone finally stand up and wants to go against something that doesn't seems to be right all this while.

2) This is a news that i found most ridiculous recently. call me biased or whatever. why waste time waiting for some Hong Kong big star to see whether he'll appear in his so-called father-in-law's funeral. hello, after twenty years of not announcing his marriage(if he were), what makes you think he'll let you catch him red handed this time? If he does, why not just do it at the airport? It only reminds me the reason i doesn't like him most out of the four heavenly king.
http://www.guangming.com.my/node/54615
If this is true, i really admire her love to him. Hiding for all these years, it's not that easy. and i'll look down upon him more.
Be a man, do the right thing.

最近的歌

 

分生 - AMIT 

一个我像不会累 一直往前
一个我动弹不得 伤心欲绝
我不确定几个我 住在心里面
偶尔像敌人 偶尔像姊妹

喜欢阿妹新专辑少了妹式情歌，多了女生大声说勇敢说。没有很多婉转的情绪， 唱得很直接，听得很痛快。

 

 

失落沙洲 - 徐佳莹

除了你之外的空白

还有谁能来教我爱

喜欢她的高音，很细也很结实很厚。之前不知道歌词背后的故事，只被这两句歌词吸引，很棒的作词人，有女生的细腻。

 

 

不想 - 张韶涵

当世界 不知不觉的变了
有时候 我怀念以前的我
作的梦 虽然远远的
想像是 一种快乐
拥有了 同时也失去什么
而眷恋 原来会带来软弱

Doraemon Gadgets

sometimes i tend to forget i am no longer the youngest among my peers. after 9 years of mingling with people one year older than me.
so many of the times, i wonder, how many good decision have we made in life? there're always pros and cons, there's never guarantee to anything. somethings that we never foresee when we are considering about the situation, something that never even come to the mind. things will only start to surface when the time comes, but that will be a little too late.
Can i have some Doraemon gadgets, puhlease??

Live

Here i sit, reading some very insprirational and beautifully written articles.
I saw a lot of hopes in their eyes.the light that is always there, to lead your way.
The world is compose of too many things, a lot of where we doesn't really need them. It's just like shopping, you doesn't need that much, but because of all sorts of reasons it will end up in your ownership.
It's so good to feel again, to see again and to breath again.

change

at some moment in life, we spend time thinking of we can do something different from what we have been doing previously. we struggle, we fall, we stand again, fight, struggle and fall again.

do we really need something completly different from what we have been doing all the while? something you consider you passion. something you have been liking all these while. why are we opting for a change when there is not neccessary?

okay, maybe it's just me.

mars and venus

boys and girls are generally the same yet we still complain about each other

boys and girls are into clothes.

girls are into clothes from different designer, boys are into jersey of different player.

boys and girls are into shoes.

girls are into shoes of different height. boys are into shoes for different games(and different player)

boys and girls are into movies.

girls are into good looking guys and love. boys are into big boobs, explosions, machines and animals.

boys and girls play computer games.

boys are into war and fighting. girls are into cuteness and coulourful.

boys and girls are into car.

boys look for higher horsepower and better auto parts. girls look for cute design and whether she can press onto the accelerator when she’s driving(lol)

boys and girls go online.

boys watch basketball and football match and porn. girls go online shopping for clothes and make-ups.

boys and girls read magazine.

girls read fashin magazine. boys read Playboy (insert rabbit)

boys and girls like exercise.

boys play sports. girls shop till they drop.

boys and girls doesn’t really differ from each other.

because they are so similar, so they moved to earth.

*updates: it's true there are always exceptional, we all know about it. i know some girls who play fightinh games and boys who are playing those cute games on FB. but aren't the abonementioned the stereotypes we put on each other?? boys complain girls shop too much, girls complain about boys are spending too much time with their friends on the court. girls will get mad about her bf when he's playing games in CC but she forgot that she's also very into some colourful cutie little games.

Miniature Earth

If you are reading this, if you are watching this video, you are already in the top richest in the world.

this video is like a slap on the face, although i appreciate the things i have, but to what extend i appreciate them? i am grateful that i have the money to pay for the food i have and i even have the chance to choose the food i ate, i can choose to eat nice food and even dessert after meal. i am grateful that i was given then chance to come over to this city, but to what extend? what have i do to show the appreciation? how do you appreciate the food we have, the bed we sleep on, the fridge we use, the ice cream you eat, the house you stay in, ur mom who wake you up, the school you go to, the healthy body you have, the hands you use to hold your girlfriend and boyfriend, the eyes you use to see beautiful scenery??

i don’t know. this is tough. i m ………… lost ………… in appreciation.

of carrying bag

Day 6 : Yu Xuan you look so funny in this photo

lol. because i take no photo today, so have to take one during dinner. thanks yu xuan for being the object for the photo.

dinner with yu xuan, shiau aun, yee kae, len foong and berto is always full of fun, erm sometimes very cold also. shiau aun is the one with all the cold jokes =.="

on the way back to hall, i saw a guy holding his girlfriend’s bag in one hand and hold his girlfriend’s hand in another and i come up with this question : why hong kong guys so willing to carry their girlfriend’s bag? even those with girly design. it looks weird to me to see a guy carrying a bling bling bag in one hand and holding his girlfriend’s hand in another walking on the street in Mongkok. should i call them gentleman?

光

 

每一个清晨，代表一个曙光吗？

每一道日光，代表一个希望吗？

每一波海浪，代表谁给的力量？

 

每一个清晨，代表几个彻夜未眠？

每一道日光，代表几个没睡的夜？

每一波海浪，代表谁无力的心跳？

二十年

相隔差不多一个月了。终于把书看完了。用了比平常多大时间来读这本书，因为是一本好评如潮的作品。我说的是村上春树的《挪威的森林》。谢谢奕龙哥哥的介绍，哈。

老实说，很久没有看华文书，上一本已是半年前的事。书看完，搁在书架上，便了事，甚至连书都忘了要还。互联网的入侵让我渐渐的放下书本，取而代之的是一对没有营养的电视节目。每次我都会以“是让自己放松一下”为借口，让自己放肆的看，不能完全否定电视节目，只是太多虚拟的东西让我忘记的书我在手上的实在感。

半年之后，看的竟然是村上春树的书，以前一直觉得不是我年龄看到书。没想到有一天，还是到这个年龄了。不是老了，只是开始多认识这个世界，开始去接受更多在世界发生的各种故事。开始会去用心用脑去看，慢慢学会放慢脚步去看。

也许故事并不太符合现在的世界，毕竟那是发生在1969年东京的故事。可是却喜欢他写故事的方法。很平淡，很轻，很轻。一个很好的说故事方法。让你会跟着故事慢慢的向前走，好像渡边君跟直子一样的在东京街头游走，很努力的往前走。他可以用很平稳的口吻来转述任何意见事。朋友的死亡，自己的绝望，爱人的病痛，自己的折磨。尽管别人看着都会为他感到一丝丝感伤，可是村上春树却没有刻意的注入太多的感伤。

二十年后，我会用什么方法来说我的故事？

嗨

时间过好快哦。晃一下晃一下又一年过去了。
其实这一年说起来都几荒谬一下咯。知道实情的人其实没几个，可能连我最好的朋友最亲的人也不清楚状况。 说实在，只能用荒谬来形容吧。
不知不觉，又一年过去了。去年的31号晚上好像是和朋友在东区某件已经关闭的店喝酒倒数（拜托，店也关太快了吧，年初才去喝酒，年中在去掉时候已经关了，太好笑了。）今年会在香港某个热闹的街道，跟一群陌生的人们倒数吧。其实倒数是很想跟他过啦，毕竟。。。但是现在并不可以事事如愿，好可怜。我们会理解的吧。*悲*
年终，大家都应该是回顾一下往年的吧，但我其实并没有很想。好好过未来的日子就很好了。那些不堪回首的，就忘了吧。把那些事情背在身上，只会让脚步更沉重，更缓慢。没必要。
到现在，其实对自己没有太大的要求，只要做人真实，不要虚假。
在不同的时期，对于人生会有不同的见解。 现在， 就大概是这样了。不然要怎样？我认为这样是应该的，就好了。
再见，你好。

Wedding Plan

I am tagged??!!! eimun tag me to do this. haha, how you know i secretly want to do something like this but so paiseh to do *shy*

here goes:

1.How old are you?
Haven't you heard that "Age is a woman's secret."???

2. Are you single?
Define single.

3. In what age do you think you’ll get married?
Age is not the matter here, it's money that matters. I am realist.

4. Do you think you’ll be marrying the person you are with now?
Maybe, who knows.*hint hint*

5. If not, who do you want to marry?
How i know??

6. Do you want a garden/beach wedding, or the traditional wedding?
honestly, i prefer a garden wedding. because it's to salty by the sea and will be all sorts of rules to follow for traditional. plus can take good pictures in the garden, good for everyone.

7. Your ideal motif?
As simple as possible. I love white and simple to the most.

8. Where do you plan to go on a honeymoon?
*browse through leaflets*

9. How many guests do you think you’ll invite?
*count fingers* one two three four five six seven eight nine ten *oh fingers not enough, count toes also* kikshou

10. Do you want an extravagant wedding or a simple wedding?
extravagant. its my wedding wei

11. Do you want the traditional vows or something you’d make up on your own??
vows is just something to bluff kids. so big enough to marry liao still believe in this. grow up wei

12. How many layers of cake do you want to have?
5 layers. different flavour for each layer

13. Do you prefer having your reception at a hotel or at a simple place?
where is simple place??

14. When do you want to get married, evening or morning?
evening. please let me get enough sleep.

15. You’d rather have your reception outdoors or indoors?
outdoor once, indoor once, blow ah??

16. Do you like a grand entrance for your groom/bride?
no worry, i will make sure my guest notice us when we walk in.

18. Name the song/tune you’d like played at your wedding??
Dunno le, wait till i really get marry first la

19. Are you a morning person or a night person?
what is this related to me getting married??

20. Do you want a solemn ceremony or a light one?
do i look like a serious person??

21. What age do you want to get married?
Oi, i say don't want ask already, still ask. three times liao lo, enough mei you

22. Describe your ideal husband/wife.
As engineer-to-be, we are tained to come out with ideal situation all the time, but deep inside, we know that there's no this thing as IDEAL.

23. Do you prefer fine dining or just the normal spoon & fork/knife?
fine dining no use spoon and fork and knife one meh??

24. champagne or red wine?
mama say cannot drink wine, can drink coke only, juice also can

25. Honeymoon right after the wedding or days after the wedding?
days after wedding

26. Money or household item?
both, i'll give you a list of things i want when i wed, ok

27. Who will pay for the bills?
pay for which bill??

28. Are you ready for married life?
no.

29. Do u think you will still be a virgin until u get married?
yes. and for the rest of my life. muahaha

30. Will u always be true to your wife/husband?
yes, i will not do plastic surgery. i only put make up, good enough??

31. How many kids do u like?
2 enough liao. to raise a kid is very costly one le.

32. A new house for a newly wed or an old one?
new one!!!! i want to decorate my own house!!! i want to shop for my house, shop for furniture, shop for everything in the house *clap clap clap*

33. Will u celebrate silver wedding, gold wedding, or diamond wedding?
hopefully i am going to celebrate everyday of my weds.

34. What kind of cuisine would u like for ur wedding?
i serve dessert only can ah?? hoho..i promise i'll serve nice cakes.
ok la, i'll have food from all over the world =) of course not to forget desserts.desserts dessserts desserts

35. Will u record ur honeymoon in a cd or dvd?
Now record in blue ray liao lo. still cd

36. Whose wedding plans would you like to know next??? choose 5 people
len foong please do this, coz i want to read =)
tag takemoto again because i want to read, do it before you go back la
alex choo, if you happen to read this, do this with your goddess

update: lenfoong did hers!!

A piece of news

Just now was reading newspaper during dinner. There is two newspaper provided in the common room, one Chinese one English. I was flipping through the Chinese paper, MingPao as i want to check the TV programme. Then i read this news on the 2nd page of the paper. The news is so sad.
In case you didn't read Chinese, here a summary of the news. In every MTR station in Hong Kong, there's free newspaper or magazines everyday for their passenger when the enter the gate. Everyday there will be elderly waiting outside the gate, asking people who already get into the gate to get them a copy of the free newspaper or magazines(maybe a few copies), then they will collect them, later sell them to someone else. But after the recent financial crisis, the price for paper drop from $1.50 to $.050 per kg, so the elderly have to collect three times more to get the money that they used to get in the past. They fight in the MTR station, pushing and pulling, snatching from one another. OMG, why this is happening here??
Can you see how this society has become?? Although we always say children have to take care of their parents when they are old, but what is the real situation now??not everyone can afford to take care of their parents. They cant even take care of themselve, not to say their parents. The parents have to worry that the kids will be losing his job. This news is so sad, not everyone is leading a happy life, they are strugelling. Who can help them?? The government??

peperiksaan

y things always become like this de??
you did all the past year paper you can have, then you find that the past year not so difficult. your senior also tell you the paper will not be that difficult.
then y when it is my turn to take the exam, the paper become so difficult!!! y the professor must be like that de???y i dunno how to do in the exam de???why why why???
T.T
so sad now.
i m going to eat eat eat.i got pringles and nuts..i dun care..eat till fat fat(already very fat liao.*sigh) also dun care..so sad now..*cry*
stupid exam. stupid exam.
i officially announce that I HATE EXAMS!!!!!
*burst into tears*