Hate

hmm...life

so, my last post was in November 2011. le sigh.
was thinking to start writing blog again. without a proper place to express myself is bad for health, like for real.
Went to see the doctor this morning because i had not been feeling really well this two weeks. dizzy all the time, hungry most of the time. but no headache, no stomach pain, no vomit, no fainting. The doctor cannot really figure out what happened, so it might be just me being paranoid over things in life.

It's like a norm for people to ask "How's life?", "How are you?" when we bump into each other or a way to start a conversation. This is the worst question ever. How's my life seriously? Nothing major not-okay things happened, but it will take me quite some time to recall the happy moments of life. #badmemory

Writing up to this point, i realise i was kind of pessimistic. No more spark that ignite my life. Not much thing that interest me, deep inside. Everything had become something i had to do, instead of something i wanted to do. Because what i wanted to do, me also no idea. Maybe i was seriously hit by the reality. Stress over financial situation. Not yet graduating at the age of 24, stress. Do not even know if i will be graduating, stress. Not getting a job yet, stress. Not knowing where to settle myself after university, stress. No shopping, stress.

Everything that i have had today, doesn't belongs to me. No, i didn't pay for anything. If the person who is paying for them are taking them back, congrats, I AM DOOMED!! Can i survive? I think i will die.

Conclusion, i pretty much hate myself. Like the myself, now. As of this current stage.