Sunday, November 29, 2009

the creature - girlfriend (updated)

Disclaimer : Make your own selection on whatever you want to believe.

Hollywood shall stop labelling King Kong/dinosaur/phyton/i-dont-know-what-else as the scariest creature. They should made one movie with the tagline - scariest creature for all boyfriends. and it should be about girlfriends. oh yea, now you know girlfriends are scary. just in case you wonder why, let me tell you.

Reason #1: Girlfriends are attention seekers.

you better get a spotlight and shone it on your girlfriend and make sure the energy supply never go weak, you know you will die if the spotlight isn't shining at the same strenght. You need to pay 1000% of your attention on your girlfriend if not you will get one week of cold shoulder, don't say i didn't warn you.
You need to spend every single second of your free time with her. You even need to call her and text her and MSN her and tweet her and plurk her and comment on her blog and comment on her Facebook status even when you are busy with your work. Beside that i shall also give you some examples of what boyfriend should do just in case you guys are wondering: You need to pamper girlfriend like a princess, no, a queen will be better. feed her with nice and healthy and non-fattening food, buy her presents that she likes, go shopping with her without complaining after 5 hours, sing her lullaby, help her with her work, be her chauffeur, sleep later than her so that you can watch her sleep, wake up earlier than her so that you can make her breakfast and wake her up and make sure she's not late for whatever thing she need to go that morning, compliment her by telling her she is the skinniest and prettiest and everything the bestest on earth, etc etc etc etc (i don't have time to list down the next thousands things that you need to pay attention to)
However, if she did any of the one above to you, congratulations*throw confetti* *claps*, you got one of the world's best girlfriend and you shall continue to pay all yout attention on her.

Reaons #2 : Girlfriends have good memory

Girlfriends can never remember what chemical make up to water but they can always remember that you forgot which day she bought her pink pokka pumps then again you get another week of cold shoulder. Girlfriends will not remember anything but they will remember that you forgot everything. So boyfriends must remember everything from day-nniversaty to month-nniversary to anniversary to birthday to lunar birthday to the day she got her red dress to the day you go for Pizza Hut. And remember to get them present for every festival, they will remember forever that you forget their present and you ruined the happiness of the rest of your life.
so guys should go invest on a good PDA that can help you remember everything. What??you think PDA was invented to help business people remember their meetings??No, it was to help male remember the other dates rather than meetings.

Reason #3: Girlfriends loves to talk

It's universally known that girls love to talk. they talk when they just wake up, talk when they in the toilet, talk when they put on make up, talk when they drive, talk when they eat, even talk when they sleep.
The situation is : She talk alot you talked alot when you just get together, you say that the two of you shared common topic, you love her so much for that.
2 months later, she talk alot you talk less, because the two of you already reach this mutual state where everything is understood beyond speechs.
4 months later, she still talked alot and you stop talking. Whatever she talk is nagging, whatever you listen is torturing you.
Then why you want to torture youself by listening to all the nagging. Man, go freed yourself.

Reason #4: Every girl is a shopaholic.

Girls will spend every single bucks of your hard-earned cash. Girls basically only shop for one thing, that is 'Everything'. The terms 'Limited Edition' and 'Sales' is created to inform man that it's time to willingly hand in your credit cards and cash to your girl to shop for that one thing - Everything. In return, you will get to buy a bigger house so that it can fit in all her buyings.oops, i forgot it was just that one thing - Everything.

Reason #5 : Girls change faster than Google logo design

it's scientifically proven that girls are mecurial. girls changed their mind as frequent as the tracks change on your playlist. One minute girlfriend would want to eat sushi, the next minute she wants kimchi because you guys pass by a korean restaurant. One minute she thinks red dress is nice then later she thinks blue one is nice. In the end she can decide what she wants, she com ask for your opinion, and you tell her both are nice and she can pick the one u like, then she get angry because you are not helpful and you are not paying attention to her and then you get one week of cold shoulder and then she bought both the dresses. Girlfriend will tell you she loves you this minute and then she hates you for no reason the next, it will only left u wondering why. Never challenge your girlfriend by saying "that day you said so" because that day was that day, she already change her mind the second after she said so, not to say few days after. Basically just forget about promises, ok. that makes your life simpler. who says girls are unpredicatble, because you shouldn't be predicting a girl at the first place.
ok, i think the abovementioned 5 reasons are solid enough to declare girlfriends as the scariest creatures on earth. All man shall try to avoid getting near to the creature called girlfriend. I hope i have done my part to warn men out there.
You do not need to thank me.

~boyfriends will agree with me, boys will doubt them, girlfriends will secretly agree inside their heart, girls will deny and say "i won't become like that!". No, girls are actually all the same, we love flowers and diamonds, we are shallow, but the different is how shallow are individual girls, one might like 5 karat diamond another might be happy with that one small pot of cactus. it depends on your luck whether you need a diamond and a cactus to make your girl happy~

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